Looking with the eyes of the sun

The glance is very important for the sufies. It is our compass when we move throught the various planes with our consciousness. It helps to stay focussed when enwrapped by thoughts and emotions. Casting our glance on this brings clearance.


Stage one

Relax. Sit with a strait spine. Feet on the floor. When crosslegged, buttocks on the floor. When you push the sitting bones into the floor, this straitens from the bottom of the spine to the crown. Let your shoulders drop, relax the jaws, the scull. Then you’re alright.

Visualize a being light in front of you or a sun.

Breath in that light.

Then become that light.

Breathing in into this deep light source within, breathing out, radiating light, from the heart, through the skin to all directions.

Stage two

Now we’re going to refine the light of the heart.
Breathing in we press our tongue agains the palate and turn our eyeballs upward, to receive a very refined frequency, pure spirit, through our crown chacra, through the pineal gland, through our eyes and into the heart, projecting that transparent, egoless light into a point a few meters in front of us, from the eyes. Two beams of light, from the eyes, like headlamps.
When developed, our glance becomes a ray that casts light upon situations. With love. Things get clarified, transmuted, resolved. Our glance is our anchor, our witness in new territory. And breathing in our heart.

Amazing songbird

The thought occurred to me that birds may be in tune too. With what? With the celestial spheres. The angelic planes. They may channel a song from there. Why not?

“That was beautiful wasn’t it, that bird just singing for us”, I said to the neighbour woman and her daughter, while hanging out a blanket on the washing line.

“Yes, we’ve been listening in awe, that was so special”, she said.

“They produce such a variety of sounds, with such refined articulation. They communicate with each other, with a bird ten trees further away. Wonder what they are talking about”.

The song bird has been in our tree for weeks and weeks now. So is the bird ten trees further away. Heard it sing biking through the street on my way for teaching a yoga class. The high pitch bird sound mingled with the sound of the moany crying of a child playing in the streets. The bird song raised the vibration of the moany sound, attuned it to it’s pitch. Like there was a powerful willpower behind it. Communicating like: “Listen to me! It’s ok!”.

 Guardian angels orchestrating.

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The lower back

What the hell does this have to do with lower back pain.
Everyone by now knows I’m amongst the tribe of empath’s, ‘sympath’ a more sympathetic word, I would like to introduce. If you think you are one of them, there’s ton’s of information to be found in youtubes, nonsense and great sense. Learning discernment is our sharpening awareness.
So what the heck does this have to do with the lower back.
Well…I want to share an experience with you from the time this sensitivity was already there but the word empath wasn’t in the ether yet. Pre-internet stage.

Had a conversation yesterday about it with my daughter in law. We agreed that stiff lower backs are our cultural phenomenon. EveryBODY seems to have one. So what’s the information hiding there in these structural stiffened muscles. Does it have to do with the control grid?
Did we have to learn to navigate our animal impulses in our education?

A woman visiting my yoga class had an interesting although also a bit sad story she shared with me yesterday before we began with our practices. She had been falling down and had a pain in the lower back for some weeks. She felt it was related to her sister who was going to die. She came happily telling me yesterday that her sore back was over at last! She thanked me for the practices that had been very supportive. Someone had said to her that her lower back was linked with emotions about her sister. I also felt it like now that her sister had died, also a support had fallen away. We are linked with our family in the lower chacra area’s. So now she had to adjust and even more stand (!) on her own.
In previous class, we had been focussing our attention on the lower back area. What does it feel like. Does it feel stiff, dense, or rather porous, can you perceive a color there, how do the tissues feel. Maybe you can feel a slight widening of the area on the in breath.
Focussing our attention on it also has a healing effect.

So, that having said in between, now the story I want to share.

I’m staying in my caravan that stands on the place of my parents in law, on the camping near the dunes. I’m resting.  I hear a sound below the caravan.  The sound of a little animal walking over a few empty glass bottles, laying there in the grass. Then I hear the sound of this animal making a very sudden leap. Somehow this goes together with a movement of the muscles of my lower back I had never experienced before and never ever experienced after again. For a moment, that whole piece of skin, muscles, tissues, everything that’s there is like a hollow piece of skin, away from the bones underneath them. Like a rather big space in between bones and tissues and muscles. This goes together with a feeling of great relieve. All of a sudden, I feel whole, out of one piece. Awake.

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Had been writing down this word: Sungift.

In my journal that I keep from inspirations and idea’s that come up during yoga practice and meditation.

Sungift (Dutch: Zonnegave) written down as an English/Dutch combi:


The funny thing is that about a week later, walking out into the garden, got one. Forgotten about the word. That’s why I keep a journal, to look it back up again. Clearly had felt it, something, an energy, a feeling, a blessing, came out of the sun and was absorbed into my solar plexus/heart. It felt ok.
Maybe, can’t remember I had given the sun breathing practice in the yogaclass where in shavasana, the big relaxation at the end of the session, one visualizes the sun above one and breathes in it’s rays. Into the solar plexus and then like answering the rays of the sun by breathing out sunrays from our own mini sun in that area. That way a question and answer is at play in breathing in and out, a communing with the sun. It’s to relax the area of the stomach where a lot of tension is felt. It’s the place where we register the ‘dangers’ from the environment. So the signals of anxiety sent out.

Being aware of our feelings, we atune to our highest good. It impacts the environment. We live in osmoses together. Everything intermeshes with everything else. Atunening, cultivating awareness, managing our feelings by returning to our breath over and over again, we keep the emotional environment clean. On a not so good feeling day, better be quiet. Not talk, overact, etc.

Another time I had heard an ‘inner voice’, not like a real voice, but a sudden ‘knowing’, that it was better to connect my sexual energy with the sun. Because the emotional environment of the earth, was too ‘poluted’.

That was just a very clear inner message.

An insight.

Didn’t know I was going to write all this down, but it’s related. So standing in the garden, felt a blessing come out of the sun and being absorbed into my solar plexus. Then some time later coming back to my journal and read that word again: sungift.

It wasn’t just the energy of the sun; it’s felt like something was carried on the sunrays, a feeling, a message. Didn’t know what it was but I had received it.
I remember a Sufi friend talking about information being carried over the rays of the sun. It was on one of our trips to Surennes for a healing retreat.
“Now you must explain to me what you mean by that one”, one of our healing circle leaders said.

“I’m getting it”, another friend said when we sat together in our little group.

But that was unhandy, one being open about not yet getting it and the other is.

That’s tricky. Is that a subtle ego play or just as it is….?

The answer did not manifest in that moment, something else happened in the buzzyness of the tea break.

I wrote down the experience I got in the garden in my journal and then after that noticed that I had written down that word earlier on. It was there at the same page, Sungift.


One more thing, I now sense that it is related to the idea of ‘blasts’ as they were called by a sensitive,  who receives this and tells us in weekly video’s about what’s on. Not a weather report but an energy forecast. They say there are periods of huge galactic blasts that raise humanity in consciousness. Blast blast blast….We all know we live in special times by now.

Also I can be proud, I have manifested the project written down on that same page to a certain extend, you can see it underneath the word. They turned out to be blogs.

Enough for now.

Sunblessings to you

The ‘I shoulds and oughts’

On a free day like today, I try to get out of bed because I want to, not because I should. This causes me to stay in bed longer, being with the resistance felt because of all the I ‘shoulds and oughts’ in the conditioning. Not shooting at the shoulds, I sink back into the halfsleep, that brings the breath deep into the spots of the resistance. These spots have a shape, old conditioning from old paradigms. Like contracted spots on the skin of an orange. Perhaps this is the pain body. This deep breath is a very healing breath, it goes automatically, deeply into the spots. Now these spots have dissolved more, softened. 

What motivates me to jump out of bed without any thinking or resistance is to grab the I-pad and write this down, back in bed again. 

Motivation is a great motor. No more ‘I shoulds and oughts’. Much healthier for the system. Wonder if there ever will be a time without any shoulds and oughts.
I should get out of bed now in order to perform some tasks. They have to be done. No way around it. Having to go for a pee will do it this time.


There is the light that is nonphysical and there is the light that infuses into the body in healing, relieving the part in it that became the pain body in a certain layer. Like a distorted hologram or energy field, causing a distortion in the cells and tissues. Infusing into this distortion the light of our attention, awareness, is healing. Not from a personal perspective, but lined up to the whole. At the same time, while being in this atunement/alignment, we are also going to the inside of the physical sensation of the pain, ‘leaning into it’, in the body, where we feel it is located. That promotes great relieve. The body becomes lighter, more transparent. Old pain is removed from the tissues and cells. As Eckart Tollle says, we can only do this ourselves. I’d add here, there is also help from the higher spheres. Last night a nonphysical very fine, transparant blissfull light came to me. What was that? It was the sort of light I recognize from sufi atunements when we work with pure spirit. There was clear information to it that this was nonphysical light.  Also there was a spiraling of a sort of lightstar, like in the drawing game ‘spirograph’, that was moving towards a lightsource, it seemed to happen on a finer level, but I could  look into it in that moment. Love it when things like this happen. Keeping the light(being?) that came to me in my awareness, it stayed with me. Until my thoughts wandered away. Renewing the focus to it, it was there again. Being held in this light, the pain and conditionings in the body, also inherited, became very clear. Then the light merged with the physical body more. Then it became more invisible.  I now was simply in my body.

Should I say that here? We are to promote healing, awareness, which is realy love. Surrender is the greatest medicine. So that pils and operations will be less needed. Not saying that shouldn’t happen. We can be greatfull for them when they are needed. But we also know of the side effects.

Well ofcourse I doubt telling from these remarkable experiences. At the same time can’t wait to tell them. These experiences, I cannot evoke by will power. Perhaps I could when I was a very masterfull yogini. But obviously life’s experiences are my scholing way. So these light experiences are gifts from the universe. Might make a difference I’m the sort of person open to this. And I meditate regulary and do yoga and sufi practices. And am involved in distant healing for a long, long time. That happens on the finer levels too.

Whereas before we were adviced to keep our lips sealed, these days we begin to carefully relate from our mystical experiences, because we are ready. It also helps the merging of the mystical with medical science. For the advantages as said above. Our mystical experiences are part of life. They make us bloom more fully. Feel more whole. No more gab between spirit and matter. Everything is energy.

Sufis cast their (by the celestial purified and depersonalized, de-egonized) glance inwardly into certain areas of the body, like shining a searchlight on it. What comes to the light becomes light. Issues get sorted out, pain dissolves. In modern psychology it is the approach to feel into, as they say: ‘leaning into’ the physical sensations, because that’s how emotional pain manifests, in the body.  The older generation, like my mum’s, didn’t get these meditation/psychology tools handed out. In that case, healing is needed, like in the report in the posting ‘loosening a painbody’.

Picture is a blend, endeavoring to make a visual communication of the the experience of the spiraling star, moving to a lightsource. Worked on the colors, they come quite close now.  Only the lightsource the star moved to was more in front of me in a space, not filling a whole sky like on the picture.

The shatter of grudge

The new word is downloads. It had been happening to me.

I felt it.

Lovely caressing energies.

Angel love.

To cure the distress.

About what?

About not feeling understood.

About not seeming to be able to convey the message.
The thing is I really feel these waves of love flowing through me.

Must be angel love or otherwise.

It wants to comfort the things I can’t cope with, like getting over something that’s too deep to feel and understand but sometimes all of a sudden it has me in it’s grip.

I can’t explain it but it’s there. Sinking away into the half sleep, there’s clear explanations. It’s perfectly fitting in an orderly sequence of sentences of a clear presentation of what’s it’s about. All I have to do is write it down when I’m awake.

But now awake, it’s too far away.

The only thing that stayed with me is the title of what it’s about, and that was very clear and that is: THE SHATTER OF GRUDGE.

That’s the underlying emotion of a story playing out. That’s what needs to happen.

The shatter of grudge.

Very important.

How to shatter a grudge I don’t seem to be able to feel, but has it’s impact upon the situation. It’s in a reality under the surface of what is visible. The daily facts of life. What we see.

There’s a pain.

I can feel that.

It’s pushing against the ribcage from within.

Knocking against the door.

Like hey, I want to be seen, felt.

I shall have to focus my attention on it. Shine a searchlight on it. Breath into it.

Yes, that’s what I’m going to do.

I’ll get back to you later about this.
Not in order to revenge all the times when nobody was around when it was needed, because work is always more important. I would like to shatter that grudge.

Everything is in it’s grip.

Stealing the love and attention that could have been the cure.

The angels know that.

They are with me. When I’m feeling alone and in distress about not being able to convey a message that’s not clear, but wants to be seen, felt. They send waves of love and tell me to shatter the grudge. And at least give the message about this. About the waves of love, caressing the nerves.

Because I had asked for it. 

In a prayer. 

There’s always an answer. Must be the ask and it shall be given sort of a thing.

For those that want to know it.

So that’s what I’m trying to do.

Will the message be heard?
I’ll get back to you later.

When I’m sorted out.

First find peace, then it will be sorted out.

In peace, things fall into place.

No more grudge.


At last.

This writing is taking me there. Peace.

Thank you angels.


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